I recently had a wonderful opportunity to communicate at my church.  Since becoming the Service Programming Director at Browns Bridge Community Church, I have not been able to communicate as much as I used to, resulting in about a four-year hiatus since I last spoke in a main Sunday morning environment. And even though I have been doing it for over 10 years now, there was an extra layer of anxiety that came along with this specific situation.

I have done many weddings, funerals, youth camps, special events, and any other type of speaking you can do in the church. It has always been somewhat natural to me and most of the time enjoyable. The anxiety levels tend to be low and I can usually hit the target for the specific audience. Seminary only gave me more confidence in my ability to study the scripture and present a clear and concise bottom line. Crafting messages had become a part of my “trade” if you will and it was a fun part of what being a pastor is all about.

I only have slight memories of stress or struggle, anxiety and fear that surrounded my preparation. Usually it was a very enjoyable, non-consuming process that brought fruit into my own life.

July 23rd was a little different experience. For weeks leading up to my opportunity to share the gospel, to speak to non-believers and believers alike, to have an amazing time of study and preparation, I was filled with anxiety and stress. I often needed to clear my head and find a place to do something other than think about this message. This was such an unusual experience for me that I had to figure out what was causing this anxiety.

Was it that it had been so long since preaching on a Sunday morning? Was it my fear of speaking in public to 4,000 people? Was it the passage was gripping me so strongly that I couldn’t take my mind of it? Not exactly.

I hate to confess this but I must be honest with you … it was much more shallow than that. You see what you might not know is that Browns Bridge Community Church is a campus of Northpoint Community Church — which means that my senior pastor is Andy Stanley.  If you know Andy or not, you can listen to him speak one time and realize he is one of the most gifted communicators in our country.

That was my anxiety. Fear of Man. Fear of Failure. Fear of Andy. What was he going to think of my message? Should I preach like him? Should I try to create great illustrations and perfect bottom line sentences? Would he die if he knew I was struggling with this? Yes.

“To fear anyone will be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” – Proverbs 29:25

My fear of what certain people would think had become a snare. It had entrapped my joy. It was suffocating my excitement.

After having a little heart to heart with myself, I was honest and confessed where my attention had gone. For the last couple weeks leading up to my message, I began each time of study asking God to be the center of my affection and attention. Novel concept, huh? Every time I had Fear of Man type thoughts entering my mind, I dropped to my knees and re-focused my heart on the only one worthy of my heart and thoughts.

To Andy or not to Andy … wrong question. For God and for God alone … right thought.

I wish I could say the anxiety disappeared after being honest with myself, but it actually increased. However for a completely different reason. I had been reminded of the unbelievable gift I had been given. Sharing God’s truth with everyone that was coming into the room that morning. I was filled with a holy fear and trembled at the power of God’s Word.

It was for Him. Not me. Not Andy. Not my wife. Not my son. Not my boss. It was for my Lord. That’s worth a little anxiety.