One of the most powerful tools in healing the walking wounded is what the Bible calls repentance. What is biblical repentance? Put simply, it is when sinfully destructive behaviors and attitudes are first abandoned and then replaced by ones that are constructive and godly. True repentance has an emotional component of sorrow and remorse, though it is not defined by emotions but by behaviors. While feelings of regret about things we have done or left undone may move us towards repentance, these feelings are not enough. Like an unopened bud on a flower, repentance is not in full bloom until new attitudes and behaviors have replaced old ones. To repent is to purposefully remove sinful, injury-causing agents from our lives and replace them with God-given changes that bring healing, reconciliation and renewal. Quite simply, repentance begins with a sincere “I’m sorry” and is completed by the adoption of new actions and attitudes.

Sometimes, people confuse true biblical repentance with vague attempts to try harder. But this does not produce the kind of changes called for by true repentance. Rather than be vague, we must target specific attitudes and behaviors that offend God and bring harm to ourselves or to others. The sign of true repentance is when new lifegiving, constructive and God-honoring behaviors have replaced what the Bible refers to as “dead works” (Hebrews 6:1; 9:14). Note the way in which the Apostle Paul demonstrates this in addressing how new believers in Christ should now live: “He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need” (Ephesians 4:28). We can see here that true repentance asks more of a thief than feelings of sorrow or remorse. Instead, with God’s help, Paul calls upon them to replace thieving behaviors with constructive and honest work.

When I was still a young teen, I had an opportunity to experience the difference between regret and repentance for myself. It went like this: my friends and I cooked up a scheme to go door-to-door throughout our neighborhood and sing Christmas carols. Then, before moving on, we would solicit “alms for the poor” from our audience. Before long, we had collected a significant amount of cash. And at the end of the night, we split the take between us and went home.

A couple of years later when I gave my life to Christ, a funny thing began to happen: I started to grow a conscience. From time to time I would remember things I had done—things I knew God was not pleased with—and experience a compelling need to do what I could to make things right again, if possible. One day, while passing by one of the homes we had worked during our Great Christmas Ripoff, my heart began to burn with shame and conviction. I knew I had to do something to reconcile the wrong I had done a couple of Christmas’s before, but what?

Since I didn’t know the people who lived there, I was at a bit of a disadvantage. But I did recall them being especially generous to us during our unholy scam. I determined to simply march up to the door, confess my deception, ask for their forgiveness and repay them my share of the loot. Every time I tried to do so, however, no one would come to the door. At first, I felt relief. Maybe God saw my sincere efforts, I reasoned, and was letting me off the hook. But in my heart I knew better. So, I decided to try a different approach.

I composed a note which I put in an envelope along with some money, and taped it to their front door one day. It read something like this:

Dear Neighbor,

A couple of Christmases ago, some friends from my street and I came to your door and sang holiday carols. You kindly invited us to come into your home and sing for your party guests as well. Afterwards, we asked you all for “alms for the poor” and you generously donated some money to us. I am ashamed to admit that we lied to you about helping the poor. We actually kept the money for ourselves. Although I cannot recall how much we collected from you at that time, I believe my portion of the proceeds came to about $20.

Recently, I became a born again follower of the Lord Jesus Christ whom I love with all my heart. I feel He wants me to confess my lie to you and give you this money as a token of my desire to make right the wrong I have done to you. Please accept this with my sincere apologies. Thank you.

To this day, I do not know what happened after I left that note. I only know that I had “produced fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matthew 3:8) and walked away feeling lighter, brighter and cleaner than before. It began when I admitted to God that I had behaved in sinful ways toward my neighbors. I know at that point, He forgave me for my sin. However, the removal of that which had caused me injury could not be complete until I took action to make things right with those I wronged. When I did so, I could feel the healing in my soul.

Bill Faris has been a professional pastor, counselor and writer throughout his adult life, and is the author of a new book, How Healed Do You Want to Be? Finding hope and wholeness in a sharp-edged world. Currently, Bill is a part of the professional counseling staff of Marriage and Family Matters in Mission Viejo, California. In addition, he serves as the Director of the Vineyard Community Mission Network (VCMN), a network of house churches based in Orange County, CA that is affiliated with Vineyard USA. Bill and Robin, a gifted nurse, have been married for over 30 years and have four children.